Ovarian Cancer and Marital Problems

QUESTION: After an operation and treatment for ovarian cancer, I have
problems with my marital life. What should I do?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ANSWER: The best gauge to success of cancer therapy is how well you're able
to resume your normal activities, and that includes your sex life. Sexual
dysfunction is the term used for sexual activity that has been impaired by
physical or mental problems. Some sexual dysfunction is caused by the various
cancer treatments used and some are due to the disease itself.
A common problem among women who have had pelvic surgery--such as for
ovarian cancer--is pain during intercourse. Painful intercourse leads of
avoidance of sex, which hurts a marriage. The shape or size of the vagina may
have been changed or the removal of the ovaries causes vaginal dryness.
Unfortunately, many women are not warned this may happen and then never
mention their sexual problem to their physicians.
Vaginal dryness can be relieved easily by using a lubricant such as KY
jelly or other products specially made for use during sex. Your doctor may
also prescribe creams that contain estrogen that will help keep the vagina
moist. Sometimes changing sexual positions helps, also. Narrowing or
shortening of the vagina after surgery can sometimes be avoided by having sex
regularly or by using a vaginal dilator. Your physician will instruct you on
how to use a dilator. Using a dilator is medically necessary, so don't be
embarrassed either about using it or asking your doctor questions.
Cancer and cancer therapy can also change your own self-esteem or how you
see yourself, which can impair the sex drive. Many people feel stigmatized by
having had cancer. Some people act as if cancer were contagious. Cancer is a
disease, not a punishment. Losing your breast, or your ovaries, or your hair,
or whatever, does not make you any less a woman.
Having had cancer may also change the way your husband treats you.
Sometimes, a husband may avoid having sex because he is afraid of hurting his
"fragile" wife, but the wife sees this as rejection on his part. Many men
have never learned how to discuss their feelings or how to react when someone
they love is ill. They may act gruff or distraught when comforting was
needed.
Discuss your problems openly with your physician. He or she can offer
advice about both the physical and psychological problems you're having. In
some cases, you and your husband can benefit by having specialized marital
counseling.
You have fought hard for your victory over your disease. It may now take
only a few words of discussion, consultation, and conversation to give you
back the full life you wish and deserve.