Getting Nowhere with Toilet Training, What is a Mother to do?

QUESTION: It feels like a war, and I'm losing. There is seemingly nothing I
can do to get my two year old toilet trained, despite all my efforts. He is a
bright child, and all of his playmates are well on the road to control, but we
are getting nowhere. What is a mother to do?
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ANSWER: Your frustrations are showing, so sit down for a moment, take a deep
breath, and let's talk. Most authorities agree that if you have been trying
for several months, and your child reaches the age of 2 1/2 without
successfully achieving training, you may assume he is resisting in a conscious
way, and you haven't reached that age limit yet. However, it is the time to
change strategy. By now he knows what you want, and is capable of performing,
but will fight your efforts unless you turn over the responsibility to him.
No more scheduled sessions just sitting, no more frequent questions or
reminders. Reminders are just another form of parental pressure. One last
discussion to tell him that "peepee" and "dooty" are his to deal with, and
that you know he doesn't need your help. By withdrawing attention from the
bathroom battle, the need for attention can only be met when performance
merits it. Of course, you must stick by your guns, but offer positive
reinforcement freely; small rewards, like building blocks or pennies may do
it. Create a visual aid, like a poster or calendar, and mark it boldly for
every victory, while you heap on the praise. Even sitting on the potty-chair
counts, for once that routine is established, you are on your way. Don't
stand around while he is on the chair, let him come to you with the story of
his success. Once you have informed him about wet or soiled clothing, have
him help clean them. Having him rinse a soiled garment in the toilet bowel
will keep him aware of his duties and help motivate him to avoid this
unpleasantness. Accidents will happen, but avoid any harsh criticism or
punishment, and do not embarrass him, as it is counterproductive. And don't
be embarrassed yourself, but discuss strategies with the parents of your son's
playmates. Let them know what your situation is and what rules are governing
your actions, so they can use the same guidelines when your child is visiting
with them. They may have developed routines that may be helpful for you, so
discuss it openly. Once you have all your ducks in a row, you may be
pleasantly surprised at the speed of your child's progress. And I will be
happy to pass on to you all the helpful advice that I know my readers will
provide me when they read this answer.