Guidelines for a Nursing Home Visit

QUESTION: This will be our first visit to a beloved and alert aunt in her new
surroundings, a nursing home. It is also our first experience with such
visits, and we are all feeling just a bit nervous about what should or should
not be said or done. Can you provide us with some guidelines?
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ANSWER: While there are a few small details that may help, the best advice I
can offer you is to be yourselves, and allow your aunt to be herself, as she
enjoys the brightness that your visit will provide. This is her new home, and
she will proudly introduce you to her new friends. Allow her to be the
hostess she was in former surroundings, and take her up on the tour she will
most certainly offer you. But be alert and attentive, on the watch for signs
of overdoing it a bit, or of distress. Listen carefully to what she says, as
well as how she says it, and answer her directly and honestly, just as in the
old days. You may want to call the home before your visit to be sure that you
will arrive at a time that will not disrupt normal schedules and activities.
If your gifts are to include food, be sure they are permitted on special
diets, but bring a small luxury that may not be routinely provided. Small
living plants make fine gifts, and may help to brighten a room. Most visits
are mainly conversation, remembering good old times, and will provide your
aunt with some moments of pleasant remembering, and an attentive and loving
audience. Listen carefully for hidden meanings, and pay attention to
nonverbal clues that may indicate the state of your aunt's well being.
Encouragement and reassurance is an important function of your visit, so touch
frequently. Be sure the tone of your voice conveys your love and concern. If
you can find some treasured photos from previous meetings, take them with you,
in a frame perhaps, as a souvenir of your visit. If other family members are
responsible for your aunt's welfare, call and share your experiences and
observations with them. Then enjoy the warmth provided by your good deeds.